I had this dream you see…
Should I ever need to “go off the grid,” in the unlikely situation that my mother is right about the impending New World Order, I will be prepared. I can plant a roof garden , engineer a piss-to-water machine like in Water World (assuming there is no rain), knit all my clothes (which I would probably be doing if I were on Survivor, I would carve out a set of DPNs and knit an endless tube out of grass just to keep from going nuts), and then I would can the bounty of my garden so that when the cold months came I could have peas.
If my pumpkin canning skills are any indication, my off the grid experience would be like the first few times I played Oregon Trail in Third Grade. An early, untimely death for me and my wagon train (you can, P.S., still buy Oregon Trail and I imagine it would be nostalgic good times, and at least 30% less addictive than the civilization building games).
Botulism is the word that describes my canning. For all my manual studying, for all the giant canning pots in the world and careful attention to instructions I created death pickles. The grand irony in all this is that a book about family poisoning inspired me to try canning this year, and from such toxic seeds the botulism pumpkin experiment sprang. Rasputina could write a song about this, I think.
In other news the Blue Moon Fiber Arts yarn is turning out to rock pretty hard. I spent several crazy-makin’ hours with the entire ginormous skein of Geisha artfully looped over my splayed knees and hooked around one footwinding a center pull ball and futzed around with a set of 3.25 MM DPNS until I came up with something that worked, gauge wise.
This yarn is dreamy, but it’s THIN. As in so fine that the only way to produce a relatively solid fabric is with a set of 2.5 MM needles (solid meaning something you can’t see flesh through). The Blue Moon site describes Geisha as “sport weight,” a three ply that’s fine enough for lace but not too fine for garment knitting.
Well, no, not its not too fine for garment knitting if you like fishnet or 2.5mm needles. As I have dedicated a large portion of my adult life to avoiding a stint at the mental hospital I try to avoid activities that would make me crazy – and knitting a sweater with Geisha would definitely send me packing to the loony bin.
However I am not a completely unimaginative stiff, I can have ideas once in awhile. Wielding those aforementioned 3.5 mms and grabbing both ends of the skein produced a MOST satisfactory swatch. The mohair halo was dreamy and it wasn’t too poofy, the stitch definition is still very nice, and the silk adds this really intriguing subtle shine – more of a glow actually. The fabric that double knitting this yarn creates is totally worth the wee bit of extra work required to knit double. It drapes beautifully, it’s incredibly soft, and the color variations you get knitting from both ends of the skein is pretty superb.
It’s a generous yardage (well, considering the price…) at 990 yards so it wasn’t as terrifying to think of knitting a pair of arm warmers and a cowl out of both ends, but we shall see. If my record of stupid canning mistakes bleeds into my knitting life I’ll run out of yarn 2 rows from the end of an arm warmer or something stupid like that. But at least it won’t KILL me to run out of yarn.
Also – all wound up this ball of yarn looks tres fetching, even non-knitting coworkers have admired it. My sister has predictably fallen in love with the color way and would like her socks to be knit from it. Which is going to hurt the budget as they are knee highs and Socks that Rock skeins aren’t exactly cheap as chips.
In other knitting related news the blue and white hat (the hat of anxiety) has found a home on my mothers head. I am still knitting her socks, but the hat should hold her over until the next time she goes through airport security. I felt incredibly smug walking through the metal detector with my Icehouse socks on while my fellow travelers had to go with bared feet and grungy tube socks. I like to share that feeling of hand knit superiority with the people I care about.
Also in terms of things you should check out if you’re keen – Metalocalypse. As I am the last person on the planet without cable television I had not seen it until just the other night. And it’s hilarious. A “brutal,” delightfuly gory/horrifying and absurd cartoon about the unlikely adventures of a heavy Metal band. Within the course of two episodes you will be inexplicably screwing up every attempt at pluralization, so you too can be like Toki and Skwisgaar. Is there a way to make knitting Metal? Can you like…glue spikes onto your straight needles? Just throwing these ideas out there folks, because I think we all know theres no way anyone truly brutal would be caught dead in a hand knit sweater, even if it does have an anarchy symbol knit onto it.
I’m not trying to get all alt-indie-knit on you, but I totally still have a baggie of screwback spikes from when I was in highschool and I modified that dog collar with a stirrup leather punch and a screwdriver. My experimenting has shown me that I would need a size 7 or possibly 8 needle to fit snugly into the screw hole with a little epoxy to make knitting needles sure to frighten people on public transport. Metal spike ended straights, to look fetching sticking out of my skull-and-crossed-needles felted knitting bag. I could relive my halcyon days as a goth teenager – so “dark” and “angry” that only Trent Reznor or Jello Biafra could possibly understand me and my artfuly shredded clothes and spiked jewlery. Plus, they would be the only knitting needles to really go with the black nail polish… (I confess to still painting my nails black, but it is socially acceptable and even chic now)
